The Capacity to be His Spokesperson

Isaiah 50:4a (New English Translation)
The Sovereign Lord has given me the capacity to be His spokesperson....

I've been reading through the book of Isaiah during my time with Jesus lately.  Today this verse stuck out to me, and I had to read it over several times as though I didn't quite hear it right the first time.  That usually means God was trying to get my attention.


I don't feel as though I have much capacity right now.  Arthritic pain in my back, shooting down my legs as I try to walk and move around the apartment (much less any distance outside), prevents me from being very mobile or very helpful to my husband.  Third trimester exhaustion is exacerbated by increased episodes of false labor as I overdo it while we try to get settled into our new home.  Again, not very helpful to my Charles who is doing everything.  Capacity?  Capacity for what exactly, Lord?

Capacity to be My spokesperson.

I wondered today as I read this verse how many women at this seminary are here to study and develop their ministry skills.  How many are here only because their husbands are studying?  So far I've had about 10 conversations that went like this:

What's your husband studying?

We're both getting our M.Div degrees.
You're taking classes too?
Yes.  Yes I am.

I know this conversation will continue to happen, probably for the rest of my life.  That sad reality doesn't make it less frustrating.  To be honest, I haven't even started seminary yet and I'm already tired of advocating for myself.  Why does it have to be a surprise that I as a pregnant mother of a toddler am attending seminary?  Charles isn't going to stop being a dad or husband by being a full time student.  He isn't suddenly single and I'm the one raising the children.  Better Together means that we are both in this 100%.

Lord, I don't fully understand what the end result will be of my studies here.  I don't see clearly even past this first semester, but I fully trust you.  You called me here for a reason, and even if that currently feels like a battle against my own physical limitations and emotional frustrations, I am fully present.  Lead me, Lord.  You are my capacity.


Popular Posts